ByakuMama, RenjiPapa
by Byakuya Sama
Summary: Byakuya and Reniji are together. Byakuya is always sick in the mornings, Renji is worried. Byakuya is brought to the Fourth Division for a checkup. ByaXRen! Slight IchiRuki. You can now submit anonymous reviews! Won't their babies be cute?
1. Feeling Unwell

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter One: Feeling Unwell

The usually stern taichou of the sixth division was bent over the toilet bowl in his office's toilet, vomiting. He wiped his mouth and glared at his own reflection in the mirror.

Since when did he look so utterly horrible? He thought angrily. Although unknown to many, Byakuya thought a lot about his looks. To him, having a pretty face was a very important thing.

_Hmm… should I go visit Unohana taichou? Maybe she will have a cure for this…_

Gathering his thoughts, he was about to shunpo out of his office when his fukutaichou walked into the office, looking half-asleep. Renji slammed the door after him. Byakuya winced.

"Renji! Is there a need to look so sloppy in the morning?" Byakuya snapped.

"It is not my fault that I did not get enough sleep! You spent the whole night in the toilet vomiting! Go and see Unohana for a cure! There is no point getting up during the middle of the night to vomit for 2 weeks!" Renji shouted back.

_What__? I thought I made extra care not to wake him up! Since when was he awake? _

"Byakuya? Is there any reason that you are feeling unwell?" Renji asked softly, regretting his outburst.

Byakuya snapped out of his stupor and looked at his lieutenant. _What did he say?_ "Erm… Maybe I should visit Unohana taichou. However, on one condition, no word of me being unwell should travel out. Do you understand?" Byakuya glared at Renji.

_Oh gods. Those lovely grey eyes, so unforgiving so unfeeling. I just want to…_

"Do you understand?" Byakuya hissed, narrowing his eyes.

"If anyone hears of this, especially Ichigo, you are so dead."

Renji nodded dumbly.

_I wonder what is up with Bya__-Chan. He usually isn't so moody most of the time. Usually, he is so full of life, not that he shows it to other people. Now, it feels like he is trying to hide himself from me…_

¬Later that day¬

Byakuya walked down the corridors of the sixth division. Heads bobbled up and down in greeting to him. He silently acknowledged them as he continued his way to the exit. He was going to the captains' meeting. What captains' meetings were for, Byakuya never understood. Usually, Captains will just quarrel over trivial matters until soutaichou had enough and dismissed. Captains' Meeting usually lasted for hours. Although he did not show it, Byakuya absolutely hated standing for four hours straight.

The Kuchiki etiquette had a rule: Never slouch. Slouching is for people from Rukongai! Kuchikis are much above that!

Inwardly, Byakuya hated etiquette lessons. No one could blame him for that. The high and mighty Kuchiki elders were always telling him off when he was young, and his father and mother did not help much either. They were both powerful shinigamis, and were always away from home. When they were at home, they made sure that every minute of his time was spent on learning the 5000 over rules that a Kuchiki from the head family must keep to.

Byakuya did not find knowing how to draw important. He never knew how to draw. His drawings were worst than Rukia. Whenever, he heard the orange- haired ryoka laughing at Rukia's drawings the same thing would always happen. If the _Strawberry_ was laughing at Rukia's art, which was better than his own, it means that that idiot was laughing at his art!

¬Flashback¬

"Hahaha! Ohmygawd! Haaaaahaaa!" Ichigo gasped for air. He had choked on his ramen. His hand held a scrapbook of Rukia. One picture was a picture of two rabbits supposedly with Byakuya and Renji's faces. There was a badly drawn heart shape as the background.

"If you hadn't written their names at the bottom, I would have thought they were both extraordinarily ugly hollows and took out my zanpakuto and killed them!" Ichigo snickered as he held the book out of Rukia's reach, which was not hard at all.

It was then when Byakuya felt furious. How dare he say that Rukia's drawings were bad? That orange haired brat was insulting his art too! So that brat wanted to take out _his_ zanpakuto? Very well.

"Scatter Senbonzakura" Byakuya hissed, his eyes filled with hatred for Ichigo. Ichigo turned around, and yelped, only to be nearly shredded into bits by one thousand petals that glowed with anger.

Rukia, on the other hand, gave her true blood onichan a smile and smirked evilly as Ichigo screamed.

¬End of Flashy¬

Other than those etiquette lessons that gave Byakuya nightmares, and still do, there was just another thing, the finding of a wife. Byakuya had been single all the time since he was born until he saw Renji. The elders were always croaking at him to get him to find a wife. "A wife!" They would shout. "A wife that is pretty and give you heirs. A wife to serve you! Go get a wife!" They organised balls and many different boring social gatherings where the four main noble families and the lower nobles will gather. They always made Byakuya attend the ceremonies. Byakuya always attended, he knew that was the best way to get the elders to shut up. No, cancel those words. Rule number 89: A Kuchiki clan head never uses rude words.

The elders will never stop bothering him until he attends the gatherings. They will go on and on and on, berating him about the importance of getting a match.

But, no matter what, the only person he will dance with is Rukia, his sister. The four main noble families were always supposed to dance the first dance, so, after the first dance, he and Rukia will shunpo out of the manor before the elders will start bearing down on both of them to get matches.

Byakuya entered the meeting room. The rest of the captains were already there, making a lot of noise. Kenpachi seemed to have drunk a lot of sake; he stunk up the whole room.

"Oh there's the pretty boy!" Kenpachi grinned before he fell forward and collapsed on Byakuya. Nearly. Byakuya neatly stepped to a side and let Kenpachi sprawl on the ground.

Unohana, who was engaged in conversation with Shunsui, Jyuushiro and Soifong, broke away to give Kenpachi medical attention.

"Idiot." Soifong muttered.

"Now, now." Shunsui said, "Don't talk about men who are drunk like that. You never know the troubles men face. You sound exactly like my Nanao Chan." He ended off, with tears running down his face.

"Shut up!" Soifong yelled, giving a punch at Shunsui's jaw. Oops. Another casualty.

Byakuya sighed, resisting the urge to rub his temples wearily. All he wanted to do now was to find Renji, and lie in his warm embrace.

There was a pounding on the wooden floor. Thank kamisama. Shigekuni finally arrived. The captains fell silent. Byakuya did not know how long more he could stand the buzz with his headache.

"Ahem! Today we are going to discuss about the appearance of hollows in the living world after Aizen has been defeated. Soifong taichou, please give your views on this incident."

When most of the captains had finished speaking, Byakuya's world slowly began to black out in blotches. He heard the old man saying "Kuchiki taichou, what are your views?" very faintly in the background.

Then he fell to the floor.

The rest of the captains stared at the fallen Kuchiki Taichou. Even when falling, he fell in a graceful arc. It was as if he had even taken etiquette lessons on the various ways of falling. That, unknown to the other captains he did.

Unohana blinked twice before shunpoing to Byakuya's side. No one had seen the great and powerful Kuchiki taichou collapse before other than the time when he took Ichimaru's blade for Rukia, and this time, he were in a meeting room, with no outbursts of spiritual power whatsoever.

"Unohana, Shunsui, Jyuushiro, please bring Kuchiki taichou to the 4th division, after that tell his lieutenant Abarai Renji to take over." Yamamoto soutaichou rasped.

"Hai! Yama-ji!" Shunsui said, inclining his head slightly. He and Jyuushiro grabbed hold of one arm each and literally dragged and shunpoed him all the way to the fourth division.

¬At the fourth division¬

Babble broke out in the fourth division as the two senior captains and Unohana grimly carried the 6th division captain to a resting room.

"I think I will let him rest before giving him a medical check up." Unohana muttered. "He looks tired out. Please inform Abarai san and maybe Rukia chan." The other two captains nodded before disappearing in a whirl of white, and in Shunsui's case a swirl of pink and a smell of sake.

¬At the 6th division¬

"What Byakuya fainted? When?" Renji shouted.

"During the captains' meeting. So as his lieutenant, you will have to take over for the time when he is ill." _Since when have you been on a first name basis with him?_

"Hell no! I am going to see him!" Renji shouted, his red hair waving in the wind. A second later, he disappeared.

Then it hit Shunsui. He grinned to himself. _Ah… Young love. I must tell Jyuuchan!_

¬At the 13th division¬

"Onichan fainted?" Rukia asked in astonishment, her eyes a wide.

Ichigo, who was beside her, sniggered. "I was wondering when that will happen!"

Rukia lost her temper. "Kido spell number 30, red cannonball!" With that, a big fireball flew at Ichigo's face.

Ichigo yapped, getting out of the way. A huge crater formed in the wall behind them. The captain sighed.

"Rukia, you can go and see him, Unohana has given you her permission. As for your fukutaichou duties, Kiyone and Sentarou will take over for the moment."

The two said 3rd seats burst into the room, apparently eavesdropping outside.

Kiyone shouted, "Taichou, don't trust Sentarou, his paperwork is horrible!"

"Nonsense!" the other 3rd seat shouted.

Rukia raised her eyebrow ever so slightly and narrowed her eyes, looking exactly like her brother.

"Some no mai, tsukishiro…" A white ribbon flew out and hit the two 3rd seats knocking them on the stomach and causing them to fall on their knees. Rukia coldly said, " I have no interest in which one of you is better. If my paperwork is not perfect, both of you are in trouble."

"H…Hai!", the two 3rd seats answered together before glaring at each other. Rukia sighed.

"Taichou, I will take my leave then." She said.

Jyuushiro smiled and reminded her, "Papa will do, no need for Taichou."

"Hai." Rukia replied with a smile before dragging Ichigo and shunpoing to the 4th division.

¬4th division¬

Byakuya felt very dizzy and wanted to throw up. He groaned as he opened his eyes a fraction. _Oh no!_ He swore internally as he did not recognise his surroundings. He bolted up immediately just as the door opened.

"Ah! Kuchiki taichou, you are awake. You have a visitor. He may come in for only fifteen minutes before I start running your tests."

Byakuya nodded wearily as Unohana motioned for his 'visitor', which was none other than…

"Byachannnnn! Are you alright?" A certain red-haired pineapple shouted, before earning a well-deserved glare from Unohana.

Renji pranced to the side of the bed while Unohana smiled and exited the room. It did not escape Renji's eyes that his Bya-chan was very tired. He leaned down and kissed Byakuya when the door swung open.

"Onnnniiiiichannnnn!" A small blur entered pulling a orange-haired strawberry along. Oops wrong timing.

The two men who were caught in 'action' leapt apart from each other, blushing very hard. In fact, Renji was blushing so furiously that his face was redder than his hair.

Ichigo smirked while Rukia tried not to look at her brother and her friend.

"Rukia, what are you here for?" Byakuya inquired.

The younger Kuchiki brightened up significantly, as she looked up and pulled books from her sleeves. "I brought you your favourite books! There's 'How to improve your kido', 'History of Sereitei', 'Adventures of CHAPPY THE BUNNY!'!"

Ichigo gaped. _Byakuya reading the stupid kido and history books is expected. But Chappy the Bunny? Blackmail information!!_

Byakuya blushed even more as he reached out for the books and placed it on his bedside table.

Ichigo smirked, "Now we know where Rukia inherits her love of those stupid bunnies from."

Byakuya, (forgetting to blush, in his urgency to protect his favourite Chappy) and Rukia gave their famous Kuchiki death glare(s).

Ichigo was creeped out. They looked so alike...

"Never ever insult Chappy in front of me!" Byakuya growled, unsheathing his sword. "Scatter Senbonzakura!"

Ichigo screamed bloody murder as the _pretty _pink petals chased him around the room. He slammed into the door when it was opened and fell with a great thump. Byakuya, taking advantage, commanded Senbonzakura to attack him.

High-pitched screams could be heard everywhere in Sereitei.

Unohana stood at the door, gaping at the scene in front of her. Suddenly she realised her mouth was turning dry and closed it.

"Please leave the room Kurosaki, Rukia-chan and Abarai fukutaichou. Fifteen minutes is up and I have to run medical tests for Kuchiki Taichou." She said.

Rukia gave her brother a wave and pulled the badly beaten up strawberry out of the room as Byakuya sheathed his sword. Dark red eyes met gray eyes as Renji gave his Bya-chan's hand a squeeze.


	2. Unohana's Test

ByakuMama

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter Two: Unohana's Test

After the idiotic strawberry, his darling little sister and pineapple left the room, Byakuya closed his eyes for a moment to hide his nervousness before reopening them again.

Unohana smiled, "There is nothing to worry about, Kuchiki Taichou, I am just going to run a few tests."

It had been a long time since Byakuya had taken his last health test, and therefore, the great, almighty Kuchiki Taichou was feeling very _scared_. In fact, he was not just simply scared. He wanted to dash straight out of the division and hide in the forest in West Rukongai. And, yes, he was the _great, almighty Kuchiki Taichou_.

Unohana smirked inwardly. Why, it was one of the few times when the untouchable, fearless Kuchiki Head of House showed emotions, and of all the emotions, it was fear. The funniest part was that he was trying to hide his nervousness. He was shaking ever so slightly as he looked at her with wide eyes. He reminded her of him when he was a kid.

¬Flashback¬

A small child who was bawling loudly was lead through the fourth division to the Captain's office. His cries were so loud that everybody in the division could hear him. Unohana came out of her office and saw Kuchiki Taichou (Byakuya's papa) pulling his son, little Byakuya, along the hallways.

Upon seeing Unohana, Kuchiki Taichou inclined his head slightly and told, no ordered little Byakuya to greet Unohana. Little Byakuya bowed with a flourish and said in a choked voice but otherwise polite voice, "It is nice to see you Unohana Taichou, I am Kuchiki Byakuya and I am 5."

Unohana thought inwardly that the Kuchiki clan's training for etiquette must be crazily scary for a child of 5 to be able to bow so prettily and speak so politely even when crying.

Unohana replied gently, "It is nice to see you too Byakuya, and Kuchiki Taichou. Kuchiki Taichou, I think you should leave your son here; he will be perfectly safe. After all I heard that your division is not only dealing with its own paperwork, but you are also helping fifth squad's new captain with his paperwork. You should be quite busy right?"

Kuchiki Taichou replied, "Yes, indeed. I will take my leave then." He bowed before disappearing.

Unohana Taichou sighed, those nobles and their scary manners. She gestured to the little Byakuya who was gulping for air and looking up at her with hopeful, shiny, gray eyes.

"It won't be very scary right, Hana taichou?"

¬End of flashy¬

"It will not be as bad as last time right, Unohana Taichou?" a deep voice broke the medic's thoughts.

Unohana had to remind herself not to laugh. Little Byakuya hasn't change at all, except for his choice of words.

"No it will not be as bad as last time, since you are supposed to have _grown up_, _right?_"

Byakuya gulped and was very troubled when he could not find an answer to that.

"Anyways, I heard that you have been getting up in the middle of the night to vomit for the last two weeks, right?"

Byakuya cursed inwardly, _damn Renji, oops, language._ He nodded. "It may be because of the food. The manor employed a few new chiefs one month ago."

"However, don't you find it funny that it happens only at night?" Unohana said softly. "But no matter, we will know soon enough when the results of the test comes out."

Unohana placed her hand above Byakuya's stomach and "Kaaabooomba!"

A loud boom could be heard through the court of pure souls and someone could be heard screaming very high-pitched. Everyone sniggered. In the waiting room, Ichigo who was spotting cuts all over his body, snorted, "Isn't that the almighty Kuchiki Taichou screaming?"

Rukia punched him. Before he was knocked out, Ichigo said, "Scary siblings…"

Renji who was striding up and down the corridor nervously, yapped when he heard his Bya-chan's shrieks coming from behind the door. He rushed to the door and was about to go in before he was stopped by Rukia.

"Don't you know onichan screams like a woman when he is scared? The booming spell was probably just a checking spell. It works like the human world's X-ray."

"Wads the x thingy Rukia?"

Rukia being Rukia, puffed out her chest proudly, and declared, "Let the great Kuchiki Rukia sama explain to you!"

With that, she pulled out her sketchbook from goodness knows where and started drawing furiously. After finishing her _masterpiece_ in a few seconds, she held it in front of Renji's face.

"Any questions?" the great Kuchiki Rukia sama asked proudly.

Renji felt his left eye twitching. "What the hell is this?"

Rukia walloped him on the head. "How dare you… how dare you insult my precious Chappy in front of me? NEVER EVER INSULT CHAPPY IN FRONT OF MOI!"

Renji who was trying to dodge wallops, to no success, yelled back, "I wasn't talking about chappy! I was talking about your so called masterpiece! And it is not _your _precious Chappy, Bya-chan says its his!"

"I don't care what he says when it comes to who owns Chappy! How dare you insult both my precious Chappy and my art?" Rukia screamed at Renji.

In less than a second, Renji was pinned to the floor and Rukia was bonking his head. Soon, he was knocked out. Before he fainted, he said, "Scary siblings"

After Renji fainted, Rukia realised that there was a huge group of medics. Immediately, Rukia turned on her acting skills.

"Oh my! What happened to cause them to be knocked out so badly? To think that one is a lieutenant and the other is one of the strongest shinigami! Never mind I will take care of them! Why don't you people go back to do your jobs?" Rukia said in her oh so sweet voice that always irritated Renji and Ichigo.

The medics nodded and bowed respectfully, "Hai Kuchiki fukutaichou!"

Back in the medical ward, red light had appeared above poor little Bya-chan's stomach and allowed Unohana and him to see beneath his skin. (Works like X-ray)

Unohana gasped, "That's a foetus! You are pregnant!"

"But how can it be possible, Unohana Taichou, I am a male!" Byakuya said in a panicky voice.

"I am not sure what happened, but it is true! There it is! And oh my! There are two!" Unohana gave a very uncharacteristic squeal. "You are getting twins!"

Byakuya fainted. Again.


	3. THE News

ByakuMama

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter Three: THE News

Byakuya was certainly feeling dizzy at the moment. He felt like he was going to die. In fact he wanted to die. Who won't want to if they were in his position? He was a perfectly straight man, before he met Renji that is. And now, of all things, he just had to fall in love with his _stupid, idiotic, lazy _lieutenant, and land himself with a … … baby, no two babies. Just the word made him want to faint again. He had been hoping to be a father since young, but all his hopes died when he saw Renji. But this, it was unexpected. What will everyone say when he gets big?

His head, it was going to burst any moment. He let out a small whimper. A hand was laid on his hair. Byakuya struggled to open his eyes, his eyelids felt so heavy. Something red came into his view. _Renji…_

Renji was let into the room, still feeling very dizzy thanks to a certain midget, with Rukia who was still dragging Ichigo by his collar by Unohana. Unohana said in a soft voice, "He fainted again, he received some very… _shocking_ news. But other than that, nothing is too bad."

"So what is wrong with him exactly? Please tell me Unohana taichou!" Renji begged (for the first time in his life to someone other than _his_ evil Byachan)

"I can't say even though you his lieutenant. It is quite personal. After all, you are just his lieutenant." Unohana replied before leaving the room.

_Just his lieutenant huh? One day she will understand. But for now…_ with that, our favorite pineapple made his way to his _Taichou_ bed. A whimper escaped his Byachan's lips.

_Is he in serious pain? I feel so useless, not being able to do anything._ Renji thought sadly as he laid a hand on Byakuya's hair.

Byakuya stirred a little before sitting up right all of a sudden.

"Renji, I need to speak to you, right now, and privately." Byakuya said alittle forcefully. "Rukia, leave the room with Ichigo, please."

"Hai!" Rukia said before dragging Ichigo out and closing the door behind her.

¬In the corridor¬

"Hey Rukia, what do you think they are talking about?" the near death Ichigo asked hoarsely.

"Oh so you are finally up. If you don't want to die right now, shut your big fat mouth. If you dare to go listen to their private conversation, I will personally make sure that you will never ever see another day." Rukia snapped with a glint in her eye.

Ichigo gulped nervously, "Yes Kuchiki sama!"

¬Back in the ward¬

"What is wrong with you Bya-chan?" Renji asked.

"I am, we are, I mean I am pre… pregnant." Byakuya muttered.

"What do you mean? You are PREGNANT?!" Renji screamed.

_Silence…_

"But, you can't be! You are a MALE for god damn's sake!"

_Silence_

"Byakuya, Byakuya, look at me properly. Tell me how you feel right now." Renji panicked.

"Renji?" Byakuya mumbled, looking at Renji.

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to be fat." Byakuya mumbled.

_Silence_

"I am serious. What will everyone say when I am no longer fit? Will you let me do my duties as a taichou? And you won't like more when I am fat!"

"WHAT THE HELL Byakuya? I will of course still like you when you are fat. And when I asked you how you felt I meant emotionally! Not whether you are worried about your size or not!" Renji screamed.

"Emotionally I am still perfectly fine, except the fact that I am a male and I am getting pregnant." Byakuya snapped. "And plus the fact that we are getting TWINS! And I am getting so god damn hungry that if I don't get food I am going to KILL you, hang you up, pickle your dead body and serve it to the FREAKING elders for dinner!"

Renji shuddered in fear. Did he just witness a mood swing? But twins? That was something new. Hurray! He was gonna be a father of not one child, but two! That was certainly something worth celebrating for. He will invite everyone over to the sixth division captain quarters, have a good drink with them with Byakuya. Hang on, screw that idea, pregnant women, no men, should not drink and Byakuya doesn't like social gatherings. Renji looked down only to see a pair of grey eyes glaring at him.

"I am warning you Renji, if I don't get food, you will…"

_Oh yeah must get food this instant!_

With that the sixth division lieutenant zoomed out of the ward to get food from goodness knows where from to get food for his _pregnant boyfriend (girlfriend)._

Rukia and Ichigo watched Renji as he zoomed past them. Rukia sighed, "What were they shouting about just now? Might as well go in now, _Kurosaki._"

"Hai! _Kurosaki to be!_" Ichigo replied with a smirk.

"What did you just call me? You one hell ass of an idiot?" Rukia yelled, not in the least _demure_ anymore.

Ichigo pretended to look innocent. "I just called you a Kurosaki to be, that's all."

Rukia's blushed deepened. "I swear, on the head of Yama that I will never become a Kurosaki!"

"Oh we shall see about that, shall we?" Ichigo replied. "Lets go and see your _onichan_"

Ichigo was replied with a nice big bonk on his head. _Perhaps keeping silence would be better._

Byakuya looked up when he felt his precious baby sister and an idiot enter his room. He scowled at Ichigo but softened at the sight of his anxious sister who approached him.

"What's wrong Onichan?" Rukia asked anxiously.

Ichigo snorted. "Probably some crazy shit about him being pregnant because he is a girl."

Rukia glared daggers at the oranged haired boy who was more than a century younger than her. "Onichan would you like me to kill him for you?"

"As much as I will like you to kill him, but killing him will mean breaking rule 1098, and his statement was partially correct."

"What? You mean you are a girl onichan? Oops, I mean Oneechan!" Rukia squeaked in mortification.

Byakuya sighed, "No, Rukia, I mean the _pregnant_ part."

Rukia looked even more mortified. Her mouth was opening and closing, reminding Byakuya of a goldfish."

Behind her, Ichigo burst into laughter. "How do you feel like now, Byakuhime? (Byaku princess)"

Rukia seemed to gather herself and turned around and punched Ichigo's jaw. KO!

The two siblings glared at the the knocked out male and sighed simultaneously.

"Take no notice of him, onichan, so you mean that you are pregnant, but you are not a woman?" Rukia questioned.

Byakuya nodded wearily.

"You mean that I am going to be the aunt of a baby?" Rukia certainly looked very excited that she was going to be an aunt.

"Twins." Byakuya mumbled.

"What? Twins? Hurray! To be the aunt of two children! I will teach them how to sing, dance, and DRAW CHAPPY THE BUNNY! Congrats Onichan!" Rukia screamed in happiness as she hugged her brother.

"Rukia, I can't breath…" Byakuya gasped.

"Oh oops, sorry! You should look happier onichan! The father is Renji I suppose?" Rukia said with a knowing twinkle in her eye as she let go of her onichan.

Byakuya blushed as he nodded.

"I will leave you to rest then, Onichan. I really need to see what my Taichou and third seats are up to now! See you later!" Rukia waved as she slung Ichigo over her back easily and disappeared.

Byakuya's stomach grumbled. Byakuya growled, "Renji…"


	4. Food

ByakuMama

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter Four: Food

Food, the ohsoheavenly thing was like hell to Renji now. He shuddered in fear as he thought of what would happen if he was to return empty handed to his darling little Byachan.

Renji sped along of the streets of Rukongai, looking for a place which sells _very _spicy food. Just the thought of Byakuya's curry made a shiver run down Renji's back.

¬Flashback¬

Even before he and Taichou started dating, Renji always knew that his Taichou loved spicy food, and when they started dating, Renji realized that Byakuya always brought his own bento for lunch.

"Byakuya, what are you eating?" Renji could not resist the curiosity burning in him one day.

Byakuya fixed those lovely eyes on Renji and gave a one word answer. "Curry."

Renji was appalled, "You mean you only eat curry, without rice?"

Byakuya nodded.

"But… curry is so spicy even if you eat it with rice! How can you ever ever eat curry without rice?!" Renji looked horrified.

Byakuya smirked, "I dare you to try it then."

Renji was mortified. "I never said anything about wanting to eat your curry!"

Byakuya said slowly, "I am telling you to eat it. If you don't, very bad things will happen to you… I will also think you are the girl in the relationship, tell Rukia and slip a note to Matsumoto fukutaichou, which will also mean telling the whole Court of Pure Souls that _some one_ is so cowardly that _he _does not dare to try just a bit of curry. Now, do I need to repeat myself?"

Renji gulped as he lifted up the bento box filled with the ohsoscarycurry to his face.

Byakuya pouted slightly, "Go on, finish it all. If you don't, I will be angry with you."

Renji swallowed, for that cute pouting face, he will finish it all. Hey, after all, he is a man with guts, yeap, lots of it.

Renji gasped for air before dumping all the curry left, which was a lot, into his mouth in one short. The minute it touched his tongue, Renji felt like his whole body was on fire. At this moment poor Renji felt like crying, tears were already forming in his eyes. Renji dumped the now empty bento box on Byakuya's desk and blinked furiously as he fanned his open mouth.

Byakuya looked on in amusement as he looked at his lieutenant who was flapping around like a chicken on fire.

"That was very nice wasn't it, Renji kun, it was a specially prepared curry for me. Only the Kuchiki kitchen can produce such delicious curry. Little Rukia loves it too!" Byakuya said playfully.

"Ige washen knice gat gallll!" (It wasn't nice at all) Renji wanted to talk back but found that his tongue was unable to function properly.

"Pardon? Oops, it seems that your tongue is too sensitive to spicy food." Byakuya said sacarstically.

"Wager!" Renji shouted.

"What?" Byakuya looked confused now.

"I kned wager now!" Renji screamed pointing at his mouth.

"You mean water? We don't have it right now. But I know a better way. Come here, Renji." Byakuya ordered.

"Yhess."

As soon as Renji was within arm's length, Byakuya reached out and grabbed him and kissed Renji."

¬End of flashy¬

Thinking back now, Renji realized that the compensatory kiss that Byakuya gave him was more than enough to make up for the horrible curry incident. But Renji thought as he continued running along the streets of Rukongai that he will try to avoid curry unless a kiss was given.

After fifteen minutes of running, not a single shop that sold curry was in sight. Renji decided to give up and just buy some sushi for his poor little Byachan who will be very disappointed. Just then, a thought struck Renji's tattooed head. Why not just go to the Kuchiki household to ask for their lord's curry. Surely, surely no one would dare to defy the _scary, ruthless, evil, curry eating_ king, lord over all lords.

"Hahahaha! How smart of me!" Renji skidded to a halt in the middle of the street suddenly and shouted.

The passerbys stared.

Renji could hear a little boy saying, "What is the pineeyapple shinygumi doing mammy?"

The mother answered, "Don't look at him darling, walk quickly, he is probably crazy. To think that he is a shinigami, a lieutenant, he can crush you down with one glare. Unless he stole a lieutenant's badge, that is."

Renji sweatdropped. People nowadays… Hang on, where was he at? Oh yarh, going to the Kuchiki household. Renji closed his eyes before shunpoing in the direction of the Kuchiki household. The last thing he heard was a gasp from the worried mother and the kid shouting, "He disappeared! Mommy! I want to be a shinygumi too!"

¬Back at the Fourth Division¬

Byakuya glared at the clock at the side of his bed. More than fifteen minutes had passed and Renji was not back. When Renji got back he was going to be punished, and this punishment will have something to do with curry.

Speaking of curry, Byakuya's stomach growled, something that has not happened before. Him, the king, actually being deprived of food, just because of a stupid pineapple? That pineapple was going to get curry. Lots of it.

Byakuya's stomach growled again. Poor Byakuya glared at it, wanting to punch it when he reminded himself that he was _pregnant with twins._ All thanks to the same pineapple. More curry, and that pineapple will soon be a punching bag.

Twins, parenthood, something that Byakuya has not thought of since he met Renji. Even before Renji, if Byakuya thought of parenthood, he never thought of himself getting pregnant. Hello, which _guy_ thought of getting himself pregnant? After all, it is/was impossible. He just happened to be the guy to prove the theory wrong.

Byakuya looked at his soon will be bloated stomach and whispered, "I promise I will raise both of you up properly, protect you, for both of yours good, and also for your father Renji, who I swear to love forever, no matter what violent thoughts went through my mind just now, and no matter what happens."


	5. The Shinigami Women's Association

ByakuMama

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter Five: The Shinigami Women's Society

Unohana Taichou entered the medical ward only to see 2 gray eyes glaring out of the windows, mouth jutting slightly out in a small pout. Unohana smirked, she never knew that the soon to become mother was already so _feminine_. No wonder the baby would choose Byakuya as the mother.

Speaking of Byakuya being the mother, who exactly was the father then? Unohana shook her head. She was going to be the one fainting soon if she doesn't get to rest soon.

Fixing a small on her face, Unohana cleared her throat and said, "Kuchiki Taichou, I am here."

Byakuya seemed to jump slightly as he turned around and faced the motherly Taichou. Byakuya nodded his head slightly before asking, "Did you see my lieutenant near here?"

Unohana shook her head.

Byakuya sighed. "May I know what you are here for?"

Unohana beamed at him. "I thought you were never going to ask! Yes, I came to tell you that you can now be discharged. But provided you come back in two weeks time with the father of the child for another medical check up."

Byakuya's face went pale. "_Another_ medical check up?"

Unohana smirked. "Yes, Kuchiki Taichou. I never knew that you are still so like when you were young. But, like it or not, you have to come with the father. You won't want me to go and hunt you down would you, _Byakuya-chan_?"

Byakuya shivered. The nice, friendly and motherly Taichou was not so nice when people do not turn up for their appointments. It was rumored that the Taichou would go as far as to bind the person up and force medicine down their throats. Whether or not this was true, Byakuya did not want to be the one to find out. Bringing the _father_ would mean bringing Renji, and the whole world would know they are erm… _together…_

Unohana petted Byakuya on his head, just like she did when he was five. For one thing Kuchiki Byakuya does not like being treated as a five years old child. He glared at her.

Unohana smiled and pulled Byakuya out of the bed gently. "Do you need someone to escort you home?"

Byakuya shook his head as he collected the books that Rukia brought for him. Blushing slightly, he stuffed "The Adventures of CHAPPY THE BUNNY!" into his clothes. Unohana smirked even more.

Byakuya gave Unohana the best Kuchiki glare he could master as he tried to stuff it desperately into his clothes. Unohana smiled, "Byakuya- kun, that is not going to work on me. After all, I have watched you grown up."

After finally managing to stuff the hard covered book, with its edge poking into his chest, in the front of the Kimono, Byakuya inclined his head slightly before hurrying off to hide his embarrassment. Unohana reminded him as he was at the doorway, "Take care of your baby!"

A certain group of rabid fangirls and Eleventh squad members who were trying to hide behind the wall (to no success) froze and looked in between the two captains. Whispers broke out.

"Kuchiki Taichou got laid?"

"Wait, does she mean that he is pregnant or what!"

"But he is a guy."

Someone snorted.

"Yup, a guy who looks feminine."

Poor Byakuya looked at Unohana. She covered her mouth and slammed the door, shutting herself into the room.

He gave the people who will soon be badly injured, or even better of dead a final, proper Kuchiki glare. They should thank the gods that they were already in the Fourth division.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura." _Soon, they will wish that they were dead._ Byakuya thought angrily, as he knew he could not exactly blame Unohana. He exited the fourth division, screams still going on behind him.

¬ At the 13th division¬

"Taichou, I am back." Rukia bowed respectfully at her captain after she dumped the stupid carrot-top on the ground.

Ukitake frowned, pouting slightly "Rukia chan, how many times must I tell you to call me papa?"

Rukia raised an eyebrow as she answered, "Because I am no daughter of yours, papa."

Ukitake beamed at Rukia, "Aah, my dearest daughter, I knew you will come around one day. Come, my dearest daughter, give the best daddy in the world a hug!"

Rukia sighed resignedly, as she stepped forward to hug her 'papa'. After being a lieutenant so long under Ukitake, she was already used to his antics.

Ichigo, who seemed to awake from his daze, (due to Rukia on the way back), glared at Ukitake. "Hey! Stop hugging what is mine!"

Rukia spluttered into her 'papa's' haori, "Wait… WHAT?"

Ukitake loosened his hold on his beloved 'daughter' and sighed, reminding of Rukia of an old man. "Aah. It is this day that all father's dread." Dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief that magically appeared, he continued. "The day when they have to marry off their daughters, and only to see their in-laws look down on them!"

Another sniffle.

"My dearest daughter, if that bastard Isshin dares to lay a finger on you, I will personally chop his hand off. If Ichigo dares to do anything wrong, I will KILL HIM!" Ukitake shouted dramatically.

Ichigo glared at him. "Don't touch things that don't belong to you!"

Ukitake stared back. "Thing? You take my daughter as an object? And she doesn't belong to me? How dare you say that, you… you insufferable young man!"

It was then when the two third seats burst into the room. "Taichou, calm down. Ignore what the stupid carrot says." They chorused simultaneously.

Then, glaring at each other, they shouted at the same time, "Stop copying what I said!"

"I said it first!"

"NO! I said it first."

"Did"

"Did not!"

"Did"

Ichigo and Ukitake shouted together, "Hey! Stop making noise!"

Then, glaring at each other, they shouted at the same time, "Stop copying what I said!"

"I said it first!"

"NO! I said it first."

"Did"

"Did not!"

"Did"

Rukia glared at the four idiots who were all going "Did!" "Did not!". _What a bunch of morons._

"SHUT UP!" Rukia shouted.

Ichigo and Kiyone, who were shouting "Did!" trailed off as the four of them glared at each other. Rukia, in a huff, jumped out of the window and ran away to the Shinigami Women's Society Head Quarters. Ichigo tried to go after her but unfortunately, the 'papa' pulled his sleeve and shouted at his thirds seats! "It was you two's fault!"

Very soon, the two third seats were bound by kido and kicked outside the taichou's room. After closing the door, Ukitake asked, "Oh, I forgot to ask about Byakuya-kun! How is he now?"

Ichigo smirked evilly as he answered Ukitake's question in great detail…

¬ Shinigami Women's Society Head Quarters ¬

"Ahh! This colour looks perfect with your eyes. Try it out, Nemu chan!" Matsumoto squealed excitedly. It was amazing how she can be so awake when the meeting time comes.

"Yes, I think it looks nice on her too. What about this set of purple make-up? I think Rukia chan will look good with this!" Nanao exclaimed.

"I think so too. Where is she, Unohana and Kiyone anyways? She is supposed to be here half an hour ago!" Soi Fong said.

"Knowing Kiyone, she is probably still quarrelling with Sentarou. Unohana Taichou should be taking care of the patients. But where is Rukia? She has never been late for any meetings and we need to ask her about the her brother's fainting fiasco!" Isane said.

"Girls, calm down. Let's punish Rukia chan by forcing her to tell us about her brother!" Matsumoto suggested excitedly.

This suggestion was met with great approval.

Not long after, Rukia entered the room where the meeting was held at. Countless pairs of eyes were staring at her, Nanao's spectacles glinting eerily. Matsumoto, who was standing in front, looked down at the short Kuchiki. "Rukia chan, tell us all about your brother."


	6. Poor Renji, Poor Rukia

ByakuMama

ByakuMama

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter 6: Poor Renji, Poor Rukia

Rukia gasped before stepping back in terror. Every female surrounded her. Nanao's glasses flashed menacingly again. Rukia gulped. She is was in deep trouble. Therefore, only one option:

RUN!

"Hey, hey! Our prisoner ran away. Therefore, away we shall go. Give chase!" Matsumoto shouted.

Shinigamis who were outside of the headquarters stared as a whole horde of females practically burst out of the front door, shouting war cries.

¬At Rukia's "perfect" hiding place…¬

Rukia smiled at the closed door before her. Heh! Her perfect hiding place!

Opening the door, Rukia said, "Papa! Bad people are after me! Protect me, pwease?"

Ukitake awoke from his doze with a start. Wiping off the drool from his mouth and pillow (his paperwork), he looked lovingly at his "daughter".

"Oh! My little Rukia, Papa will protect you with all his heart!"

Papa hugged his daughter tightly. Then, straightening out, he frowned slightly, "But who is after you Rukia?"

"Shinigami Women's Association," Rukia replied.

"Ah. To learn about your onichan~~? Ah well, it is amazing that he is actually pregnant right!"

Rukia's mouth dropped open. "But… but… how do you know?"

Jyuushiro smiled, "Ichigo told me."

Rukia swore internally. _Of course… Who else? Tch. That BASTARD!_

Rukia was about to reach for the door knob to find Ichigo when she felt the angry spiritual power of the whole association charging at her.

Climbing into a tiny cupboard, Rukia suppressed her spiritual energy and slammed the cupboard door just in time when the association came charging into the room.

Rukia found a small gap where she could peep through. Soi Fong taichou was currently talking to her 'papa'

"Jyuushirou, I am sorry. But I need to find Rukia chan. Have you seen her? Soi Fong questioned as the rest of the females examined 'papa's' office suspiciously.

Matsumoto moved reached out for the cupboard door, she went closer, closer and… her hand stretched out for the handle…

"MASTUMOTO! Do not touch Ukitake's belongings without permission!" Soi Fong snapped.

Rukia sighed in relief and wiped her forehead or her sleeve.

'Papa' shook his head and said, "Carry on, carry on!" He then winked at Soi Fong as Matsumoto continued to approach the cupboard…

"TADA! I found you Rukia chan! Now off you come with us! We have something to ask you." Matsumoto said happily as she and a few others picked Rukia up by her limbs and started marching off.

"Taichou! You promised me that you will protect me from them! Put me down at once!"

Jyuushirou smiled and waved goodbye happily. "Ah! My dearest daughter, I am only doing my job as a papa to see that you have enough friends! Oh! I sacrificed my chance of having some time with you alone!" The handkerchief mysteriously made its appearance as he dabbed his eyes with it.

As the women made their way through the corridors of thirteenth division, they could still hear Papa Taichou shouting, "Oh! I feel so sad!"

Many Shinigamis started pointing and giggling as their fukutaichou was being carried off by an army of women. Rukia tried to be dignified and give a Kuchiki Death Glare, which failed miserably as she was being carried like a rag doll.

Rukia's life seemed very miserable now.

¬Kuchiki Manor¬

Byakuya felt really hungry as he approached the doors of his manor. His stupid lieutenant did not provide him with the food. He was really mad at Renji.

Just as he approached the main house, a blur of black robes and shocking red hair dashed out and pass Byakuya.

Byakuya grabbed that 'thing' by his robes.

"Renji."

"What! Oh I mean hi Byachan, I didn't see you! Erm, are you still hungry?" Renji's voice was becoming nervous.

"WHERE… WERE… YOU?" Byakuya's voice turned murderous.

"I was at… I was at… Oh look. I got CURRY!"

At that Magic word, Byakuya's eyes lit up and lunged at the box Renji was holding. Renji let out a sigh. If only Byakuya let him off so easily each time. Byakuya carried the box gently and settled himself beneath a nearby tree.

Before he started eating, he glared at Renji. "I am not done with you. I will punish you after eating, so don't be too happy."

Renji groaned. Of course he could not be let off so easily. He sprawled on the floor next to his Byachan.

Byakuya, who was in the middle of wolfing down his curry, suddenly stopped. "Renji, I just though of something important."

Renji sat up in concern. "Yes?"

"I have to go to a medical check up 2 weeks later… With you."

"So?" Renji said.

"I am scared!" Byakuya whined. Renji was more concern in Byakuya whining than the medical check up. Seriously, Byakuya whining? Oh man. He has serious mood swings.

"The whole world will know that we are together, even the elders and the servants! I will be made fun of!" Byakuya continued.

Renji simply shrugged his shoulders and shut his eyes lazily. "Ah well, it can't be helped." _First he is scared of getting fat, and now he is scared of being made fun of? What's next!_

Byakuya poked Renji in his eye.

"Ouch! Man! What the _heck_ was that for, _Kuchiki Byakuya_?" Renji screamed as he covered his _poor poor _eye.

"Do not close your eyes when I am talking, _Abarai Renji, _or hell will happen." Byakuya answered calmly. In a few seconds, his mood changed from calm to hysterical.

"Renji! What I am supposed to tell everyone? I ate a whole watermelon and my stomach was unable to break it down? I ate too much and grew fat?" Byakuya screamed.

"Chill, you only got pregnant." Renji muttered.

"I know, a hollow bit my stomach and therefore it got swollen!"

"Stop getting hysterical."

"The swelling will remain for another 40 weeks…"

"…"

"The hollow was brown and gruesome. It has 8 rows of teeth, 80 pairs of eyes, 800 legs, 8000 arms and 80000 heads. It growls at everyone it sees."

"Pretty sad hollow, it will probably overbalance with so many heads." Renji sneered.

"Renji, hold your tongue. I am being perfectly serious!" Byakuya snapped.

"Well, I can tell you something serious though, you wanna know?" Renji asked innocently.

Byakuya nodded seriously.

"The hollow has 80000 heads and only 8 rows of teeth? Poor hollow!" Renji exclaimed as he rolled around, pounding the ground in laughter.

Byakuya dumped his meal on Renji's head.


	7. Aftermath of Confrontation

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter 7: Aftermath of Confrontation

Rukia crawled into bed and shivered in fear. What in the world will her precious onichan say when he found out that his darling little sister betrayed him? Rukia could already picture the headlines of tomorrow's Sereitei Daily:

**Kuchiki Byakuya, Pregnant! **

Then in the story, Matsumoto will of course write, "Imoto-chan reveals shocking facts about her onisama!" and of course, "We, as the honorable Shinigami's Women Association (SWA) are investigating this curious truth. At this point, our SWA's very own Special Forces, led by the charming Soi Fong Taichou are delving deeper into this matter…

And then she will die by pink petals, courtesy to a very embarrassed and enraged onichan, and will never get the chance to marry Ichigo.

_Hang on… who said anything about wanting to marry that stupid jerk?_ Rukia thought, feeling very pissed that Ichigo did not save her from the females. _He promised that he will always come to save me!_

Rukia snuggled her head further into the pillow. Ah, it was a cold night, if only Ichigo was there as her personal heat provider. After all, even onichan had Renji to cuddle with, so, technically, Ichigo should be allowed to snuggle with her. I mean hello, onichan even got pregnant! If Ichigo tried anything funny, he won't live to see the next day, or minute.

Banging her head with her hand, Rukia groaned. Why did her thoughts consist so much of Ichigo?

"_Because you are in love with him?"_ Shirayuki suggested.

Rukia remained silent.

"_I mean you hate it when Inoue tries to get his attention. Not that she will ever get it anyway…" _Shirayuki smiled knowingly. _"Also, I think you should escape to your captain's house… Your dearest onichan might not kill you, but Renji might. If you don't want to stay at your captain's you can always try Ichigo's room!" _A flirty giggle was heard.

Rukia pouted. Hey wasn't Shirayuki supposed to be siding her and not teasing her?! Anyway, nothing was going to stop her from wanting to see the trademark "what the hell" look on her onichan's face.

¬The next day¬

Breakfast was a silent affair. Byakuya sat at the head of the table, Renji and Rukia on either sides of him. Rukia silently picked at her food. It was best not to get on her onichan's nerves when the morning paper could be arriving anytime.

A servant knocked on the door before sliding it open nervously. Bowing, she said, "Kuchiki sama, I have brought the paper. It has been ironed."

Rukia rolled her eyes. Of course, their papers have to be ironed. After all, they were _nobles_.

"Leave it on the table." Byakuya replied.

The servant nervously placed the paper on the table and left quickly.

Renji, gulping his ramen's soup, grabbed the paper and saw the headlines. His eyes widened in shock and mortification. Rukia lowered her eyes nervously…

After what seemed like years, Renji spewed the contents of his mouth. Straight on Rukia and her very unsuspecting onichan.

Byakuya, looking absolutely disgusted, lifted something that looked like a chewed prawn and a piece of seaweed of his hair and blinked. Then it finally registered that Renji had just sprayed his breakfast at him.

"ABARAI!" Byakuya screamed. "How dare you mess up my perfect hair. I spent _hours_ fixing it this morning!"

Rukia continued to stare at her own bowl, not daring to meet the eyes of both Renji and her onichan. She was sure that she will loose control if she saw the scene in front of her.

Not answering Byakuya, Renji shoved the paper in front of Byakuya.

Rukia could not resist looking up. Her onichan was gripping the paper so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. His eyes were wide open. Peeping over Byakuya's shoulders, she read the headline. Suddenly she saw the reason why Renji and Byakuya looked so mortified. However, she could not help thinking that Matsumoto was really a genius in writing.

**Kuchiki Byakuya = Uke. Who's the seme?**

The tagline was like this.

Kuchiki Byakuya, captain of Squad 6 (wins prize of most organized squad and best paperwork every single year since he became captain) age, 1994, a perfect noble, forever single, and of course, **pregnant**.

_At least I did not mention a single word of Renji._ Rukia thought, feeling sorry for her onichan.

"Kuchiki Rukia!" two males bellowed.

Uh oh.

¬Sixth Division¬

Byakuya and Renji swept down the long, pristine corridors of their division, robes billowing. The spiritual power they were giving off was _scary_. The members of the division bowed low nervously. Already very pissed off that his precious little sister betrayed him when he arrived at his division, he just had to see what his office became.

Overnight the solemn office transformed into a blinking, bright heaven.

¬Flashback¬

"What _is _this?" These were the first three words that the _uke_ uttered when he stepped into the office.

Every bloody inch of the wall was covered with posters with bright colours that screamed, "I AM A MOMMY!"

The normal ancient calligraphy scrolls were ripped off the wall. As Byakuya stepped in further to inspect the damage, he saw a note on his normally neat table which now held baby diapers and milk bottles.

Eye twitching, he read the note.

Yo! My dearest ex-taichou,

Congratulations on having gotten yourself pregnant! I always thought that you would be on top. But seems like I am wrong! Haha! Seriously, are you really a man? Your newly decorated office is _Evil Project 1938_, courtesy of our sweet SWA. Remember to thank us. (Smiley)

Your dearest ex-fukutaichou,

Auntie Matsu

(You used to call me that when you were a baby!)

With a dark expression on Byakuya's face, he ripped the paper into many shreds and growled at Renji (who was still gaping), "Get the crap out of my office before I release Senbonzakura!"

"But… they might be useful! I mean, we can use those milk bottles and diapers!" Renji stuttered in fear.

"Chire, Senbon…"

"I will do it immediately! Bya- I mean Taichou!"

¬End of Flashy¬

So Renji had spent most of his morning rearranging his dearest Taichou's poor office while the Taichou stormed off to the tenth division barracks after making sure that his office was back to normal, to wake a still sleeping Auntie Matsu.

¬Auntie Matsu's Room¬

Byakuya opened the sliding door to Matsumoto's room with so much force that it bounced back before he fully entered the room, banging his arm. Byakuya cursed not so subtly (breaking about ninety over Kuchiki rules) as he rubbed his sore arm and entered the room. Matsumoto was curled up on the messy futon. Wrinkling his nose in disgust at the messy room which was littered with sappy romance books, cosmetics, and _of course_, the sake bottles.

_Her collection of books is so horrible. She doesn't even have a single book on Chappy the Bunny._ Byakuya thought absent-mindedly as he made his way through the floor to Matsumoto and shook her lightly. (After all, he still was a noble and nobles do _not_ grab people's shoulders and try to break them.)

Matsumoto groaned, "Mou, Taichou! One more hour!"

Byakuya hissed as he raised his voice. "Matsumoto! Up! Now!"

Matsumoto opened an eye lazily and smirked. "Oh, it is you! No wonder, this was the tone of voice when you used to wake me up when I was your fukutaichou! So how's the baby?"

Byakuya narrowed his eyes.

Auntie Matsu smiled angelically back.


	8. Auntie Matsu's Advice

ByakuMama, RenjiPapa

Chapter 8: Auntie Matsu's Advice

_Auntie Matsu smiled angelically back._

"Little Byakuya, I always knew you didn't like girls, but, never knew you were gay! With your fukutaichou too! _What will the elders say?_" Matsumoto grinned from ear to ear, looking rather like Ichimaru except for the fact that her eyes were staring at Byakuya.

Byakuya was about to kill his darling Auntie Matsu with his infamous Kuchiki glare when she mentioned his even more _darling_ elders.

Two words came to this no profanities mind of Kuchiki Byakuya, _Oh Shit!_

What the heck were the elders going to say? Come to think of it, he was wondering in the morning why there was such a huge pile of letters on his breakfast table. After all, they should be very glad that he was going to have children, haven't they always told him that they _need_ heirs to the Kuchiki name?

Well, he will gladly give them, if one condition was satisfied. Only with Renji. Byakuya was sure that there would be _a lot _of heirs.

While our little Byakuya were having these happy happy thoughts about having a division of kids with Renji with a _smile _on his face, Matsumoto hovered over Byakuya with a watchful eye before grinning to herself.

_Seems like someone is in oolala, LOVE!_

Of course, Auntie Matsu, being a very sweet person, quickly devised a plan. Send Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji to a series of classes. And these classes, will of course be held with very pregnant women. It wasn't like poor little Byakuya was going to know that. Not until he reached there anyway. Then after the lesson, she was going to go into hiding. A location that was good for hiding was probably her office. No one can possibly find her under the mountain of paper work that overflowed the room. Plus when Toushirou opened the door he disappeared completely under the larva that flowed out of the room, or rather, volcano.

After all, it wasn't entirely her fault. She had _warned_ him not to step foot into her room, not like any one could, with that mess. Come to think of it, how did Byakuya ever manage to keep her from making a mess of the paperwork? Ah, a simple way, no sake, no SWA meetings for an entire year. She should thank the gods that Toushirou didn't know about this.

That was another good reason to treat little Byakuya even better to repay his _kindness_ for making her slave at her paperwork everyday.

Matsumoto patted Byakuya on his head, like when he was young, and spoke in the voice which people use for explaining one plus one equals two to little kids before they loose their temper at the confused look that the little kids sent them.

Byakuya glared at Matsumoto before remembering that this was _Matsumoto_ and nothing, not even Kuchiki glares could stop her.

"What?"

"I have just got a wonderful idea, my dearest little Byakuya…"

"I am not little anymore!" The aura that surrounded Byakuya was getting darker every second.

"Touche… Anyway, you have to go through the _compulsory_ course for pregnant women." Matsumoto squealed, bouncing up and down in her excitement.

A dark glare was sent in her way.

"Ok, I meant pregnant men ok?" Matsumoto sang.

She could almost see Byakuya's fingers itching to grab Senbonzakura and kill her straight away.

"It will be fun! I assure you that!" _Fun for me I mean. _ Matsumoto smirked.

"Matsumoto fukutaichou, I have learnt through the years that what is fun for you is a perfect nightmare for me." Byakuya stated flatly remembering the time when she suggested having a division party at his pristine house.

At first, all the Shinigami were silent and nervous. It WAS their strict Taichou's manor after all. That was until Matsumoto brought on the sake. Soon, the manor's dining hall was filled with rowdy Shinigami. The expensive carpet had vomit on it. Of course, during the whole course, he stayed far away from the mess.

"Come on now, it will good for your babies." Rangiku persuaded.

"On a condition. No more news of this will come out on Sereitei Daily. _Do you understand?_" Byakuya stated.

Matsumoto thought about it for a while, clearly disappointed. Then she brightened up. "Understood!"

¬Shinigami's Women Association meeting¬

"I propose to have a new paper." Matsumoto announced.

Babble broke out.

"But why?" Soi Fong asked.

"Kuchiki Taichou warned me not to have any more articles about him on Seretei Daily." Matsumoto grinned. "Buuut, he didn't say anything about other papers. Therefore, I suggest that we ditch Sereitei Daily and start the new paper, Soul Society Daily!" Matsumoto said proudly.

Everybody, upon hearing this news applauded whole heartedly, Rukia included. She smirked to herself. _What will poor ni-sama say?_

Nanao asked Matsumoto, "However, what will be write about him?"

Matsumoto smirked, "Ever heard of yoga lessons?"


End file.
